David's eBlog: special eDition
Originally emailed 7/13/06
Welcome to the special eDition! Why is it the special eDition? Because I said so. And not “special” in the way your mom told you that you were at 7!
Secrets: So I got a basewide mass email stating that I am now at an “undisclosed location.” [Don’t worry mom, I haven’t gone to Iraq] I want to buy a T-shirt that says “I went to an undisclosed location and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.” Ironically though, they have a directional sign right outside the AB telling you how to get here. You can also look it up on the internet. Email can still get here too. I wonder how it does that. Go get a map of the middle east. Look for “my base.” It is like “Where’s Waldo?” You know he is there, but you can never find him.
Voting: Last week, I asked if my superstitious readership misses me more today, or will they miss this superbly brilliant literary piece called my eBlog? The results are in:
Me: = = =
eBlog: = = =
Did not vote: = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Most of you didn’t vote! Vote here. It doesn’t matter if I sent this to you, your lover sent this to you, or your enemy sent this to you. (maybe your lover-enemy person) If you voted already, vote here. I will announce the votes in the next eDition.
David answers fan mail: I answer questions now. Email me your questions, and I will answer them in the next eDition.
“Yo David-Can you drink there?”
-Waiting for the liquor store to open to get a 40, NYC
Yes. They have bottled water all over the place here.
Dear David of the Desert,
I have a question.... do they have air-conditioning in [location removed because it is undisclosed]? You see... here in Poland it is 90 degrees everyday (I know that doesn't measure up to your 110!, but mind you it isn't a "dry heat" here). My point is that air-conditioning does not seem to have been invented yet in Poland. Houses, buses, trains, trams, cars, taxis, bars, restaurants, offices, and stores are without AC. The only place that has AC is the giant Walmart type place (called a 'hypermarket' in Polish), but you have to take a sweaty smelly un-air-conditioned bus for one hour through traffic to get there in the first place. Being that our apartment is also un-air-conditioned we have to have all the windows open at all times. However, as in all of Europe... there is no such thing as screen windows, which means we constantly have a swarm of bugs here eating us alive....I guess I'm just venting. I'm wondering if you have come across the same problem? I'm thinking not as [location removed because it is undisclosed] is hmmm... just a tad bit more wealthy than Poland.
Anyway... please help me. What should I do?
-Hot and Bothered in the Eastern Bloc
How many Polish people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? What about an A/C unit? 39 Million I figure. (The population of Poland is 38 million.) Actually, every building has A/C here. Even the tents are air conditioned. There are only a few bugs here. They are all super aggressive flys that fly into your eye. Other than that there is no swarm of bugs. They have hypermarts here. They are named especially for me.
The greatest day:I had the best day of my deployment so far! It was wonderful. I got so much mail! (Mail can get find an undisclosed location also) I got 2 packages! One was really really yummy Peanut Butter Squares from my mom. I also got cookies from one of my friends from HS. I also got a postcard of Longs Peak in Colorado. Ironically, the postcard was made in Australia. Even more ironically, it came from my mom who is in St. Louis. I also got a letter which I am waiting until tomorrow to open. I don’t want to overload myself by opening all my mail at once.
I got to wear normal clothes to work today too! It was nice. You ask what I wear normally? Nothing.
Actually, I wear the Desert Camouflage Uniform, aka DCUs. Don’t call them the Desert Camel Uniform or Dessert Camouflage uniform. The former would be a good Halloween costume though. There is an exposé on camels at the bottom. The latter reminds me of Hansel and Gretel and their little house.
.
At 10 we left to go down to the hotel in Doha which does the base laundry. I got the privilege(no) honor(no) punishment of working in a hotel again. For those of you who don’t know I used to work at a hotel. It was crappy, just like the chicken Monday night. They were more expensive and had worse amenities. I never understood why people stayed there.
Anyway, back to the story. I remember it like it was yesterday. Yesterday, I got a tour of their laundry facility. They have washers that hold about 170 pounds of laundry. That is a crapload of laundry. That much laundry must weight about 150 pounds or something. After that we traced the forms as they flow through. I now know why they have a 3-part carbon copy form. However, it does not explain why they have a 4-part carbon copy form. They basically just throw one away. I suppose they work with the government where everything must be filled out in quadruplicate, or in some cases, millionruplicate. I got some really good findings. What was really nice was that I got to work some place that wasn’t covered in dirt everywhere. Can anyone explain why they get black leather chairs on base that turn brown with dirt?
I got to go have lunch at some place other than the DFAC (chow hall). We ate at the food court in the mall. I can’t seem to eat anywhere else (not including the little birdie night) other than the mall. It is just like all my readers-you can’t get away from me. Anyway, I had some kind of chicken, which was yummy. Not as yummy as the PB squares, but yummy. It came with yellow rice and hummus and pita. They have hummus and pita all over the place here. It only costs a dollar too.
That would have been enough to make it the best workday, but it got even better. It was lobster, shrimp & steak night at the DFAC (chow hall). What the heck is a DFAC? I don’t D there, and I definitely don’t FAC. Whatever that means. They should have lobster like every night. They should have a Red Lobster here. It would be a first, a Red Lobster at an undisclosed location.
This is LA: I can’t disclose that I’m not in LA. But I might as well breathe the smog. If you live in a big city (Kansas does not have any big cities) you know the air quality stop light: Green-Yellow-Red-Red Arrow-Dark Red-too icky to see the stoplight.
If they issued it for here, it would have been “too icky to see the stoplight” yesterday. After the dust storm (see eDition 4) it was hanging in the atmosphere blocking out the sun. Last night the humidity rolled in. I could barely breathe. Dust and humidity. Eh!
(cough)
Then something odd happened. I woke up this morning (that is not odd) and all the dust was gone. It was a beautiful day provided 120 makes for beautiful. The one thing I have to say for the dust is that it kept the temperature down to a balmy 110.
Happy CurryDay!: Happy CurryDay to you and your family. May the yummyness of Indian food be shared among you.
You should pay me to be here: For those of you who don’t know what I do, you can call me a “Saver” or a “Protector of Government funds” but just don’t call me late for dinner. (groan)
Anyway, I am an internal auditor for the Air Force. I try to make the AF more efficient and save all of YOU money. Anyway, they are in the process of implementing a process that will save the government $700,000. That is roughly 2.3 cents for every man, woman & child in America. So you should send me 2.1 cents for my work. Consider it as a push to save the government more money. It will make the government better off and me better off. (See your tax professional to determine tax deductibility, but Jimmy the mouse who lives in my office told me that it might be.) Be a trendsetter.
I’m so dirty: I am. I look like I have this tan. Unfortunately it will go away when I shower.
Fin: OK, so the exposé is below. I didn’t write it. I didn’t even read it. I did cut out a large paragraph in the middle. I hope it makes sense still. If you have any comments email shovelboy. Is there anything I should mention in my next eDition?
Only one week and one day left. Yay me.
As always, please pass this along to all your friends, your family, people you love, and people you hate. Tell them to email me at dhilburg@yahoo.com. If you want to be added to the mailing list, email me.
Until next time, dream about me and my eBlog.
David of the Undisclosed Location
Exposé:
A camel is either of two varieties the Dromedary (single hump) and the Bactrian Camel (double hump). [If this was not G-rated…] Both are native to the dry and desert areas of Asia and northern Africa (e.g. Qatar). The average life expectancy of a camel is 30 to 50 years
Bactrian camels have two coats: the warm inner coat of down and a rough outer coat which is long and hairy. They shed their fiber in clumps consisting of both coats and is normally gathered. They produce about 5 pounds of fiber annually. The fiber structure is similar to cashmere wool. The down is usually 1-3 inches long. Camel down does not felt easily. The down is spun into yarn for knitting.
Humans first domesticated camels approximately 5,000 years ago. [However, they are still running around Doha like squirrels] The Dromedary and the Bactrian Camel are both still used for milk [mmmm….camel milk]
Although there are almost 13 million Dromedaries alive today, the species is all but extinct in the wild, persisting mainly as domesticated animals. There is, however, a substantial feral population estimated at up to 700,000 in central parts of Australia and Qatar, descended from individuals introduced as means of transport in the 19th century and early 20th century. This population is growing at approximately 11% per year and in recent times the state government of South Australia has decided to cull the animals using aerial marksmen, the reason being that the camels use too much of the limited resources needed by sheep farmers.
The Bactrian Camel once had an enormous range, but is now reduced to an estimated 1.4 million animals, mostly domesticated. It is thought that there are about 1000 wild Bactrian Camels in the Gobi Desert, and small numbers in Iran, Afghanistan, Turkey and Russia.
On the fun side of life, camel racing is a popular sport in Australia, the Middle East, and Africa. Professional camel racing, like horse racing, is an event for betting and tourist attraction. Camels can run at speeds up to 40 mph/64 km/h in short sprints and they can maintain a speed of 25 mph/40 km/h for an hour. [There is an interesting article on camel racing in Qatar in last months national geography traveler].
Welcome to the special eDition! Why is it the special eDition? Because I said so. And not “special” in the way your mom told you that you were at 7!
Secrets: So I got a basewide mass email stating that I am now at an “undisclosed location.” [Don’t worry mom, I haven’t gone to Iraq] I want to buy a T-shirt that says “I went to an undisclosed location and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.” Ironically though, they have a directional sign right outside the AB telling you how to get here. You can also look it up on the internet. Email can still get here too. I wonder how it does that. Go get a map of the middle east. Look for “my base.” It is like “Where’s Waldo?” You know he is there, but you can never find him.
Voting: Last week, I asked if my superstitious readership misses me more today, or will they miss this superbly brilliant literary piece called my eBlog? The results are in:
Me: = = =
eBlog: = = =
Did not vote: = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Most of you didn’t vote! Vote here. It doesn’t matter if I sent this to you, your lover sent this to you, or your enemy sent this to you. (maybe your lover-enemy person) If you voted already, vote here. I will announce the votes in the next eDition.
David answers fan mail: I answer questions now. Email me your questions, and I will answer them in the next eDition.
“Yo David-Can you drink there?”
-Waiting for the liquor store to open to get a 40, NYC
Yes. They have bottled water all over the place here.
Dear David of the Desert,
I have a question.... do they have air-conditioning in [location removed because it is undisclosed]? You see... here in Poland it is 90 degrees everyday (I know that doesn't measure up to your 110!, but mind you it isn't a "dry heat" here). My point is that air-conditioning does not seem to have been invented yet in Poland. Houses, buses, trains, trams, cars, taxis, bars, restaurants, offices, and stores are without AC. The only place that has AC is the giant Walmart type place (called a 'hypermarket' in Polish), but you have to take a sweaty smelly un-air-conditioned bus for one hour through traffic to get there in the first place. Being that our apartment is also un-air-conditioned we have to have all the windows open at all times. However, as in all of Europe... there is no such thing as screen windows, which means we constantly have a swarm of bugs here eating us alive....I guess I'm just venting. I'm wondering if you have come across the same problem? I'm thinking not as [location removed because it is undisclosed] is hmmm... just a tad bit more wealthy than Poland.
Anyway... please help me. What should I do?
-Hot and Bothered in the Eastern Bloc
How many Polish people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? What about an A/C unit? 39 Million I figure. (The population of Poland is 38 million.) Actually, every building has A/C here. Even the tents are air conditioned. There are only a few bugs here. They are all super aggressive flys that fly into your eye. Other than that there is no swarm of bugs. They have hypermarts here. They are named especially for me.
The greatest day:I had the best day of my deployment so far! It was wonderful. I got so much mail! (Mail can get find an undisclosed location also) I got 2 packages! One was really really yummy Peanut Butter Squares from my mom. I also got cookies from one of my friends from HS. I also got a postcard of Longs Peak in Colorado. Ironically, the postcard was made in Australia. Even more ironically, it came from my mom who is in St. Louis. I also got a letter which I am waiting until tomorrow to open. I don’t want to overload myself by opening all my mail at once.
I got to wear normal clothes to work today too! It was nice. You ask what I wear normally? Nothing.
Actually, I wear the Desert Camouflage Uniform, aka DCUs. Don’t call them the Desert Camel Uniform or Dessert Camouflage uniform. The former would be a good Halloween costume though. There is an exposé on camels at the bottom. The latter reminds me of Hansel and Gretel and their little house.
.
At 10 we left to go down to the hotel in Doha which does the base laundry. I got the privilege(no) honor(no) punishment of working in a hotel again. For those of you who don’t know I used to work at a hotel. It was crappy, just like the chicken Monday night. They were more expensive and had worse amenities. I never understood why people stayed there.
Anyway, back to the story. I remember it like it was yesterday. Yesterday, I got a tour of their laundry facility. They have washers that hold about 170 pounds of laundry. That is a crapload of laundry. That much laundry must weight about 150 pounds or something. After that we traced the forms as they flow through. I now know why they have a 3-part carbon copy form. However, it does not explain why they have a 4-part carbon copy form. They basically just throw one away. I suppose they work with the government where everything must be filled out in quadruplicate, or in some cases, millionruplicate. I got some really good findings. What was really nice was that I got to work some place that wasn’t covered in dirt everywhere. Can anyone explain why they get black leather chairs on base that turn brown with dirt?
I got to go have lunch at some place other than the DFAC (chow hall). We ate at the food court in the mall. I can’t seem to eat anywhere else (not including the little birdie night) other than the mall. It is just like all my readers-you can’t get away from me. Anyway, I had some kind of chicken, which was yummy. Not as yummy as the PB squares, but yummy. It came with yellow rice and hummus and pita. They have hummus and pita all over the place here. It only costs a dollar too.
That would have been enough to make it the best workday, but it got even better. It was lobster, shrimp & steak night at the DFAC (chow hall). What the heck is a DFAC? I don’t D there, and I definitely don’t FAC. Whatever that means. They should have lobster like every night. They should have a Red Lobster here. It would be a first, a Red Lobster at an undisclosed location.
This is LA: I can’t disclose that I’m not in LA. But I might as well breathe the smog. If you live in a big city (Kansas does not have any big cities) you know the air quality stop light: Green-Yellow-Red-Red Arrow-Dark Red-too icky to see the stoplight.
If they issued it for here, it would have been “too icky to see the stoplight” yesterday. After the dust storm (see eDition 4) it was hanging in the atmosphere blocking out the sun. Last night the humidity rolled in. I could barely breathe. Dust and humidity. Eh!
(cough)
Then something odd happened. I woke up this morning (that is not odd) and all the dust was gone. It was a beautiful day provided 120 makes for beautiful. The one thing I have to say for the dust is that it kept the temperature down to a balmy 110.
Happy CurryDay!: Happy CurryDay to you and your family. May the yummyness of Indian food be shared among you.
You should pay me to be here: For those of you who don’t know what I do, you can call me a “Saver” or a “Protector of Government funds” but just don’t call me late for dinner. (groan)
Anyway, I am an internal auditor for the Air Force. I try to make the AF more efficient and save all of YOU money. Anyway, they are in the process of implementing a process that will save the government $700,000. That is roughly 2.3 cents for every man, woman & child in America. So you should send me 2.1 cents for my work. Consider it as a push to save the government more money. It will make the government better off and me better off. (See your tax professional to determine tax deductibility, but Jimmy the mouse who lives in my office told me that it might be.) Be a trendsetter.
I’m so dirty: I am. I look like I have this tan. Unfortunately it will go away when I shower.
Fin: OK, so the exposé is below. I didn’t write it. I didn’t even read it. I did cut out a large paragraph in the middle. I hope it makes sense still. If you have any comments email shovelboy. Is there anything I should mention in my next eDition?
Only one week and one day left. Yay me.
As always, please pass this along to all your friends, your family, people you love, and people you hate. Tell them to email me at dhilburg@yahoo.com. If you want to be added to the mailing list, email me.
Until next time, dream about me and my eBlog.
David of the Undisclosed Location
Exposé:
A camel is either of two varieties the Dromedary (single hump) and the Bactrian Camel (double hump). [If this was not G-rated…] Both are native to the dry and desert areas of Asia and northern Africa (e.g. Qatar). The average life expectancy of a camel is 30 to 50 years
Bactrian camels have two coats: the warm inner coat of down and a rough outer coat which is long and hairy. They shed their fiber in clumps consisting of both coats and is normally gathered. They produce about 5 pounds of fiber annually. The fiber structure is similar to cashmere wool. The down is usually 1-3 inches long. Camel down does not felt easily. The down is spun into yarn for knitting.
Humans first domesticated camels approximately 5,000 years ago. [However, they are still running around Doha like squirrels] The Dromedary and the Bactrian Camel are both still used for milk [mmmm….camel milk]
Although there are almost 13 million Dromedaries alive today, the species is all but extinct in the wild, persisting mainly as domesticated animals. There is, however, a substantial feral population estimated at up to 700,000 in central parts of Australia and Qatar, descended from individuals introduced as means of transport in the 19th century and early 20th century. This population is growing at approximately 11% per year and in recent times the state government of South Australia has decided to cull the animals using aerial marksmen, the reason being that the camels use too much of the limited resources needed by sheep farmers.
The Bactrian Camel once had an enormous range, but is now reduced to an estimated 1.4 million animals, mostly domesticated. It is thought that there are about 1000 wild Bactrian Camels in the Gobi Desert, and small numbers in Iran, Afghanistan, Turkey and Russia.
On the fun side of life, camel racing is a popular sport in Australia, the Middle East, and Africa. Professional camel racing, like horse racing, is an event for betting and tourist attraction. Camels can run at speeds up to 40 mph/64 km/h in short sprints and they can maintain a speed of 25 mph/40 km/h for an hour. [There is an interesting article on camel racing in Qatar in last months national geography traveler].
posted by David at
6:47 PM
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